Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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