But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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