I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
