Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
