remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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