the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
