I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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