If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
