Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
