i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I could fuck to npr.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
there is glitter all over my balls
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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