He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I supernannyed him into submission
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
