This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
