The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
