her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
