Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
