hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
