May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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