So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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