We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
