I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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