i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
