why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
