his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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