He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
