Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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