We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
