Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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