Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize