I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
