I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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