I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
