He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
