so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
