This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
