the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
