It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
