Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
