She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
