Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
