She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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