I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm passing your future prison.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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