Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
