i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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