plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
