I wish I could punch you in the face.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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