We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
