She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
