You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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