so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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