Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
