On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
