he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
