Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
