Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
