I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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