the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How's work?
Spinning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
