Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
this hospital has no fireball
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
