Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
