and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
