Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
