you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
