I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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