I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
