I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
