Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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