whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
