I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
