hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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