the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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