omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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