Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
