so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
