I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
