Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
