All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
