why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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