whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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