I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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