i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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