I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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