I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
